Whither Thou Goest
by elaine451
Summary: What if Nyota decided to go with Spock before he decided to stay with Star Fleet? A little angsty, if you blink. Just a one-shot that came to me when I thought of this reading from my youth...a really long time ago. Let me know what you think ;


_**~Disclaimers: Paramount owns it all**_

_**~What if before Spock decided to stay with Star Fleet, Nyota decided to stay with Spock? I always love the story of Ruth and this seemed so appropriate, and as Nyota says, love is love…**_

_**~Just a one shot, hope you like it**_

* * *

She was upset, this much he could surmise. He did not need to touch her to know that she was emanating anger, hurt, disappointment. He did not need to touch her to know that it was his fault. He had made the most difficult decision in his life, the decision to leave her, to leave his soul, to leave his heart. The decision to help rebuild what little was left of his Vulcan heritage. That he was able to save his mother's home world was a small comfort when he considered that he was losing the one person who meant more to him than his life.

Nyota sighed and fought the tears that threatened to fall. The thing was, she understood his decision. If it had been Earth that had been destroyed she more than likely would've made the same decision. And on the slow trip home, after Vulcan was destroyed, after his mother was killed, after Spock almost died, she knew. She felt it. Every time he touched her, every time he made love to her, every time he laid his hand upon her face. She felt his guilt at living. Most of Vulcan died, his mother died, he lived. He was drowning in his guilt and there was nothing she could do about it.

When the Enterprise finally reached Earth they didn't have time to be together, not really. They were at press conferences, along with the rest of the senior officers. They were at dinners, award presentations and the almost endless meetings with Star Fleet brass.

This was the first time they were able to be alone together in weeks. They fell into his apartment, tearing at each other's clothes, needing to touch, to feel, to love, to fuck. After their joining, she lay in his arms and he told her. He whispered to her. The high council desired him to join them in rebuilding their culture. Yes, he knew they always treated him as an abomination, yes, he knew they would never give him credit for any of his accomplishments. But the only world he had ever known was now gone and his father had requested his aide. His father, how could he refuse?

Easy, she thought, easy for anyone but you. My noble, honest, decent lover. My life.

Turning to him, she laid her chin upon the hand that lay on his chest. "I love you, Spock."

"I know, Nyota. I…I love you as well." His voice was rough with emotion.

"Were you just going to leave? Just walk away?" Her voice trembled.

"I told you tonight. The high council will look for a new home world; I didn't want to tell you until you were home…"

"We were home, Spock, until we were home. You're half human, don't forget that." She was so tired of his deference to his Vulcan half.

"I know that, Nyota. But aside from you, I have no one there." He allowed his hand to softly run up and down her back. Memorizing the feel of her, the smell of her.

"Did you even think to ask me to go with you?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"I would not wish to put you in that position, Nyota. And if I am totally honest, I did not wish to be rejected. I understand how important Star Fleet is to you…" He would not tell her that he thought of asking her at least a hundred times a day.

"Do you understand just how important you are to me?" She fought her tears.

"Nyota, do you understand how important you are to me? I would never ask you to choose. It would not be fair." His words caught in his throat.

Nyota shook her head and muffled a small sad laugh. "Oh Spock, how is living a life without you fair?"

"What do you want, Nyota." Spock pulled her close to him, holding his breath, afraid to hope.

"I want to be with you. My nana use to tell me bible stories when I was a child. I loved them, I loved to sit in her rather large lap and listen to her go on and on. One of my favorites was the story of Ruth." She sat up at ran her hand over his cheek. "Do you know it?"

"I have read it. I believe I know the passage you may be thinking of…it refers to her mother-in-law?" He asked, remembering the story she was referring to. She smiled and took his face in her hands.

"Love is love, k'diwa, so listen to me. All I want is to be able to love you, share your life, have your babies. Whither thou goest, my love." She wasn't even sure this was what she was going to say, what she was going to do. But when faced with the prospect of not being with him, there was no real option. Spock or Star Fleet? It was so clear to her; Spock, always, Spock.

"What are you saying, Nyota?" There was expectation, hope in his eyes.

Nyota moved closer to him, her lips sliding along his cheek, lightly running along his ear as she whispered. "Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me."

"Nyota?" Spock pulled away to look into her eyes and then he smiled.


End file.
